By Ramjee Chandran
Luckily for me, my daily visits to the Altstadt in Dusseldorf were back in the day when I did bibulate bountifully. My travel buddy Fred from Miami and I were always as high as a plane and as fast with the cabin crew.
But one evening, it all boiled down to corporal contingency – we needed a loo. No matter how briskly we staggered through the Altstadt, we could not find one.
We did not know whom to ask nor how. It is hard to nuance the German phrasebook when you are down 11 pints of ale. And then, it is an irrational desperation when you realise that “Ausfahrt” is not German for toilet.
Finally, Fred and I spotted a comforting tree in a park. Bursting with environmental friendliness, we contributed copiously. But to our dismay, we were standing in a freshly watered flowerbed.
As we sank to our ankles, we heard two singers with guitars murdering that classic, “Bridge Over Troubled Waters”. “Where’s the harmony? They sound like Garfunkel and Garfunkel!!!” Fred exclaimed.